I dated J for several months before I told him that I wet the bed. Telling him was prelude to spending the night together (not intercourse — that was much later).

Over the next few days, J asked a hundred questions — some intelligent, some silly, some touchingly sweet — as they popped into his head. A college girl who wet the bed was … different. He was kind and sympathetic, without being patronizing. If he had pitied me, I would have dumped him.

After I assured him that I wasn’t hurt or embarrassed by his curiosity, he wanted a “fashion show”. (I wore briefs back then; it was before I discovered pads.) For the next few weeks, he was sneaking looks as I went from bathroom to bed, although he (comically) tried to be discreet. There wasn’t much to see — I wore a big, baggy, flannel Lanz nightgown, just so nobody could tell what I was wearing underneath. Super sexy.

The sense of its peculiarity passed for him as quickly as it had for me as a teenager. It became conventional, as interesting as me brushing my teeth. My fascination with his shaving lasted longer than his interest in my nightwear.

J was just like Mom: practical, compassionate and matter-of-fact. He was relaxed. He was reassuring. It didn’t mean anything to him. It just wasn’t important. And why should it be? It didn’t interfere with my life; there was no reason it should interfere with his (or ours together).

Then we got married. And really intimate.

Incontinence wear isn’t sexy. (I have Simone Perele and Eres for that.) I’m not ashamed of it, but there’s nothing to be gained by flaunting it. Last thing before going to bed, I go to the bathroom, close the door and put on a pad. First thing in the morning, I go to the bathroom, close the door, take off the pad and throw it out. The only thing J ever sees is the pad lines under my pjs. With the modern disposables and my baggy pjs, I don’t think he even sees that.

It doesn’t interfere with intimacy, any more than pajama bottoms do. If I’m in the mood, I don’t put on a pad before getting in bed. (Pretty good signal, no?) If we get in the mood, it comes off PDQ.

I’ve never slept unprotected with J. He’s never woken up in a wet bed. I would never want him to subject him to that misery, especially not to the misery of my wet bed.

I doubt my bedwetting crosses J’s mind more than once a month. Once in a while he’ll ask if there’s anything new, or joke about it.

Maybe I should ask him to make a guest post.

UPDATE: J has reviewed and approved this message, after making me take out some PG-13 material. He also pointed out that “protection” has a different connotation in the intimate context, so I changed it to “incontinence wear”.


5 thoughts on “J

  1. Pingback: Bedwetting Spouse | Bedwetting Mom

  2. You’re lucky that J is so supportive with your problem. But you have to admit that a wet pad doesn’t smells good in the morning. Don’t you fear to stink in the morning and incomodate your husband? That’s the most embarrassing thing about my problem.

    Thanks for your very helpful blog!

    • Ben:

      The pads I use neutralize the smell. I (and J) don’t smell anything while I’m wearing it. It would start to smell soon after I take it off (especially on a hot day), but I seal it in a ziploc right away.

      Thanks for the kind word.


  3. Pingback: Dating Advice | Bedwetting Mom

  4. I’m encouraged by this post. My name is Milkah. I’m married for four months and some days now. Before marriage it happened twice. My hubby was compassionate. And that’s partly the reason I accepted his marriage proposal. After marriage it has happened twice. The most recent was two nights ago. He was angry went to sleep in another room. The next morning he said he regrets marrying me. You’re lucky to have such a husband.

    In my country its a taboo and embarrassing thing to bed wet. My mother and siblings tortured me for this. And in college it wasn’t any better.

    Sadly there are no stores for pads that I know. I’ve resorted to no drinking water and sleeping very late (i get tired but it helps)

    Its worse that i cannot talk to anyone i know. about this because I don’t want people talking about it

    Thanks for sharing! 😊

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