Ugh 2

Jake and I had a chat. I told him that I loved him no matter what he did. That it didn’t bother me that he wet the bed, and it shouldn’t bother him, either. That it didn’t mean that he was a baby. That it wasn’t his fault, it was just an accident of biology.

However, he had to take responsibility. He had to get his wet sheets and pjs into the wash, wash himself and get into clean sheets and pjs. And that he had to do it just as soon as he knew his bed was wet. If it was during the night, he should wake me up to help him. And he shouldn’t try to hide it, because that was not going to work.

Jake was horrified that I’d discovered his secret. He was embarrassed. His excuse: He didn’t want me or his sisters to know he wet the bed. And he didn’t want to have to go back to wearing diapers (his word).

I told Jake that he didn’t need to wear a pullup (my word), especially if he were only having an occasional accident. I said that he might change his mind if he wet the bed more often. I told him that I knew how awful it was to wake up in a wet bed and, if it was me, I would wear something if there was a chance I would wet the bed.

I told him that wearing a pullup didn’t make him a baby, or change who he was. After all, his older sister had worn one when she was his age, and she was turning out OK. (He would never admit it, but he does think that Emily is a lot more than OK.) He would have to wear protection when he was away from home, but he had to do that even before this accident. He wanted to know how long he would have to do that, but I just said, “We’ll see.”

When we were done, Jake seemed relieved and happy. He promised he’d take care of things if it happened again, and I believe that he will. I promised that I wouldn’t tell his sisters.

He was dry last night.

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2 thoughts on “Ugh 2

  1. I was so relieved to find your blog and have been reading all of your posts. I am the mother of an 11 year old son that wets the bed pretty much every night. We have been trying a bedwetting alarm for the past 2 months with limited success. He did have 4 dry nights in a row and then dishearteningly has been wet again. He is going to away to camp in August for 2 weeks and we were both hoping the alarm would have helped him stay dry by now. Instead, we are both pretty exhausted from waking up every night to that awful alarm. I am wondering if you have any experience with these alarms? This is our 4th try at using it. Eventually we just get too tired, particularly if it is during the school year and give up. The doctors keep recommending it as a way to achieve dryness but I’m so tired! Last year, prior to going to camp we tried medication which did not work either. He did manage to handle pull-ups, just like your daughter, and had a great camp experience. I can’t help but worry about it again though – the thought of him being discovered at camp causes me stress the whole time he is gone. Thank you for writing this blog – it is not something I feel I can talk to anyone about and it is such a relief to find others dealing with the issue.

    • My brothers and sisters all tried alarms, with varying success.

      Mom concluded (and doctors appear to agree) that an alarm is effective to finish the job when the bladder and hormones are sufficiently developed that wetting is down to once or twice a week. Otherwise, Mom found that an alarm just disrupts sleep and (if it trains anything) it trains one to wake up when one is already wetting the bed.

      I never tried an alarm. With secondary enuresis, an alarm was not likely to address the problem.

      Just relax about camp. He (and you) shouldn’t worry about being discovered; if he’s at all careful, it’s unlikely. Even if he is discovered, he shouldn’t let it bother him. If he had a great time last summer, he’s likely to have a great time this summer and to have good friends. Kids can be cruel, but they also can be kind and loyal.

      Good luck! I know how disheartening this all can be, but this, too, shall pass. Try not to let it run your life. It seems like a big deal, but it doesn’t have to be.

      Best,
      Cat

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